Unattachment not from thyself but other-selves — One Crucial Alma Matter Of Life.

For humans individuality and being a part of the community are 2 sides of the same coin, so one needs to find balance, whether to show individuality at times or togetherness.

I believe the great sense of life and meaning comes with the process of unattachment. Unattachment doesn’t mean being an emotionless human, unattachment refers to the awareness of self, and the sense of life. If we can compare ourselves to an rider in the ocean of life, we will face different tides, small, big, and all that lies in between. Real unattachment comes from riding each wave at our best, move onto another tide when time comes and where life takes us rather than holding onto the wave.

Photo by Leio McLaren on Unsplash

On this journey of riding the waves, surely one can aim for different tides like high tides i.e., for high goals, or subtle tides to lead a comfortable life, everyone has their own choice you know. However one has to make a point to take only sustainable amount of risk in this journey, and no risk has to be big enough to loose all the fun.

In this post, we will go through the process of unattachment from others or how to ride waves smoothly through life moving from one wave to another.

What are these waves actually ?
When others invest their emotions, money, time and spirit in us they create the waves in the ocean of life.

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To get freed from that the attachment caused by others in our lifetime, we need to know from the many people we will meet in life, few will stay in our life, and the one’s staying will create waves in one’s own life, these waves will be caused by emotional, physical, spiritual investments they do in oneself. The way one rides these waves is the crucial alma matter of life from which we all can learn the crucial lesson of unattachment.

Like the way an instructor teaches the rider, what is the nature of waves one will face in the ocean, let’s understand what the emotional, physical and spiritual waves are like.

Emotional Wave: Emotional waves are emotional waves Duh!!!, I mean that these are weird and everyone has their own understanding of emotions.

Physical Wave: Physical waves are kind of related to materialistic investments like money, things, stuffs etc. other people make on oneself.

Spiritual Wave: Spiritual waves refer to all the love, good vibes and feelings caused by sharing, caring and loving one another.

Now since we briefly know each type of wave, let’s take a look at how to ride these waves with unattachment i.e., to not hold onto any wave longer than required. To easily ride the waves created by others one has to practice the art of engagement, take responsibility of the waves and fulfil the reasonable expectations of people.

Three crucial words here, Engagement, Reasonable & Expectations. Here are 2 points to understand them:
i) Reasonable means what works for you and what you can give to engage with the wave.
ii) Expectations means what works for the creator and what they have given to engage, creating the wave for oneself.

When there is common ground between what is reasonable for self to give and what others expect from you the riding of wave can be done easily.

To give meaningfully and ride each wave smoothly, following process seems meaningful.

a) Emotional Wave: Listening plays a crucial role in riding the emotional waves, you know that we have been given 2 yrs, oopsie 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason. The reason for that is to listen more rather than speak. When oneself listens, other-selves feel the rider is accepting the creation i.e., wave and the creator of the wave completely. The listening act gives the rider the control of the wave and move onto the next being unattached to the emotional wave.

b) Physical Wave: Giving back plays a crucial role in riding the physical waves. One has to give back physical stuffs back to the person who made physical investment in oneself. If that’s not possible, another way to give back is by deriving the best value of the stuff that have been given to you. Let’s try to understand giving back with 3 examples.

i) Your Pa recently gifted you a bike on your birthday. The best way to derive value is by using the bike with care, use it for emergencies, keep it maintained and shined during the rides.

ii) Your friend gave you a book on your birthday. You can best use it to read and share the valuable insights you got from the book with your friend.

iii) And the another way is you can give back is gifting in meaningful ways, like gifting book or musical box or if you are having a good income then gifting your little ones with video game is a best way to become a cool elder in the vision of your younger ones.

iii) Spiritual Wave: Last but not the least this wave is created by the people, with whom oneself resonates the most. Riding this wave is not easy but simple enough with the art of engagement.

How can one engage spiritually with people ?
→ As much as I had experienced with few people in my life spiritual engagement or resonance comes when both the parties are on common ground, talk the same language, listen with heart and take responsibility of the bond and the individualistic self.

To ride this wave easily, one has to be grateful for the actions and investment done by other-selves in self. It’s not about just being grateful, but more engagement comes through sharing the same with people i.e. we are grateful to have them in life and the good decisions they took growing through the bond. Another great spiritual return to give on spiritual investment is to accept people their mistakes, their change with time, this kind of fulfils the spiritual engagement and helps oneself to ride spiritual waves easily.

Riding these 3 types of waves and moving from one wave to another doesn’t mean that you don’t care about the other-selves in your life. It simply means you are respecting the wave by riding it, until the time allows and contributing to the goodness other people have given to oneself. Overall we can call it giving extra goodness back to the universe, common who doesn’t like something extra, like the extra cheese.

These 3 learnings and perspective have helped me to become more aware about self, unattached from other-selves, and just living with the process. Yup it’s easy to say all this and put it in words, but tough to implement in real life. However tough is what makes life interesting and believe me engagement is what makes this life’s meaningful and unattachment comes through riding the waves that come in the ocean of life smoothly.

Hope you could derive your own value from this post and will be able to ride the waves of your life easily with engagement.

Yours sharer,
Yuvraj.